I don’t know your brother, but I certainly can say from experience that people don’t always leave a career in theatre because we “lost the faith.” I left theatre as a career because I wasn’t good enough or committed enough to make the sacrifices required to be an actor. And, no, that doesn’t mean I lost faith in myself, either. I learned about myself and made a choice, which is not the same thing. And through it all, I never lost faith in theatre. I found faith in other things (I realized that business can change the world for the better, too).

But now, I’m back. In a very different role. As a strategist and a board member and somebody who has learned a thing or two about marketing and finance, I actually can do more for a theatre company than I EVER could have done as an actor. I count that as a victory for self-knowledge. And faith.

Why did I find my way back? Because I never forgot how great it is to play around in a dark room with crafty people. I never stopped missing the camaraderie of theatre that was simply unmatched by a downtown happy hour. Because I just can’t make it fit in my head that I should be in bed by 10 or 11pm. I still feel like I’m theatre people, I guess.

Until the next blog…

In theater I have found the people that will be a part of my family for the rest of my life because I can not dare to live without them. They have seen me at my happiest, most creative, and glorious moments and seen me through the most frustrating, angry, confusing, tired, and stressful times. I have stayed in theater (through some rather intense, humbling, and crushing moments) because the people that are drawn to the arts understand the importance of coming together and creating something that is bigger than a single person.

Every time the audience claps or after the show someone comes up to me to say how they liked it/how it affected them I feel an immense amount of pride for everyone that put something of themselves into the show. It’s that feeling that I never want to lose…an unabashed feeling of joy for someone else’s accomplishment knowing that because of my work they were able to be at their best, and knowing that they often have the same feeling for me.

I should also say that as a stage manager I am able to do something that I am good at, and happily get to geek out on my rather ridiculous organizational skills, without having to sacrifice who I am.

I really hit a nerve with you on the generalization idea and for that I mean no offense. I was looking to tie folks together with a common motivation. Sure folks are different, but we all share common emotions and motivations for actions. Its why a room of people from all walks of life can come together in a dark room while watching a play. We all share basic needs, desires, and goals…in my opinion.

Perhaps this is pretty much a matter of semantics on my part. Or it seems you are speaking mostly from the standpoint of actors and directors? Maybe our definitions are just plainly different. But I can surely tell you I don’t roll out of bed every morning, ride an hour on the train to my arts job and think “thank god I escaped today.” I’m thinking, “I’m living today.”

Why haven’t we given up? Why do we keep coming back?

The idea of feeding a soul was not meant to be negative. We feed ourselves for all kinds of reasons; to live, for enjoyment, for entertainment. We even eat sometimes when we are full.

I will stand by my statement that beginners in the business are looking to escape. We are pretending to be other people for goodness sake. No bigger escape than that, eh? But as people mature and stay around the business I believe a true sense of love for storytelling emerges. Vast generalizations are dangerous and my apologies if you felt I was reckless with that statement, but I call ‘em like I see ‘em. After 15 years of being in and around this life I feel safe in saying theatre people (actors) find theatre to fill a void. That, to me, is not a bad thing. That is how most people find their calling…or that at which they can excel.